Hi Lee ,
Thanks for the article. I tend to agree with you. masturbation seems to be virtual wall socket for one ’ south sexual activity drive. Since I come from a more conservative background, the typically verse used to make a encase against masturbation is the one in Matthew where Jesus is warns that lusting after a woman is the like as adultery. So the argumentation is made : “ Can you masturbate without lusting ? ” I would be curious if you have any thoughts on that particular verse since I have heard it used more much than the passage with Onan .
Hi David ,
Thanks for stopping by, and for your adept comment and question .
nowadays that you mention it, that is a common verse and argument used against masturbation in bourgeois christian circles .
It looks like I ’ ve got some more write to do. . .
first the short circuit answer :
It ’ s a weak and superficial argument .
Does masturbation cause lust ? Isn ’ t it actually a way of decreasing our lecherousness therefore that it doesn ’ thyroxine stream out into evil and extraordinary actions ?
Lust comes from the heart, not from some physical action such as masturbation. And lust has to be dealt with at its source. Blaming masturbation for lust in the affection is a bite like blaming the hammer for hitting your finger. ( “ @ # % & stupid hammer ! ! ! ” )
now for the long answer .
Lust comes from the heart, not from the eye or the hand
Let ’ s look at the relevant verses from Matthew :
You have heard that it was said, “ You shall not commit adultery. ” But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away ; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away ; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your solid torso to go into hell. ( Matthew 5:27–30 )
clearly Jesus is not speaking literally here. He is not commanding us to literally tear out our physical right eye or cut off our physical correct handwriting, nor is he saying that these physical soundbox parts are what cause us to sin .
For one thing, nowhere in the Gospels, or anywhere else in the New Testament, did Jesus ’ followers take his advice literally, and physically maim themselves in orderliness to avoid sin .
But more than that, we have Jesus ’ own education that drop the ball does not originate in our body or in our outward actions, but in our center :
then he called the crowd to him and said to them, “ Listen and understand : it is not what goes into the sass that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouthpiece that defiles. ”. . .
“ Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth enters the stomach, and goes out into the sewer ? But what comes out of the mouthpiece proceeds from the kernel, and this is what defiles. For out of the center come evil intentions, mangle, adultery, adultery, larceny, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile. ” ( Matthew 15:10–11, 17–20 )
So it ’ south clear that in Matthew 5:27–30, Jesus was speaking metaphorically about removing any region of our character that causes us to sin :
- He used “the right eye” as a metaphor for our thinking mind, which is our mental “eyesight.”
- He used “the right hand” as a metaphor for the intentions of our heart, which is the source of everything we do with our hands.
If we have thoughts and desires that are leading us to say and do evil and sinful things, it is those thoughts and desires that we must remove from our fictional character .
Of course, that ’ sulfur easier said than done. We ’ ll beget to that in a minute .
Jesus ’ overall message is that our evil actions come from our center and beware, not from our physical body. Though we can attempt to suppress evil thoughts and desires from coming out into action, the only way to in full and radically deal with them is to deal with them at their source—which is our “ kernel, ” meaning our loves, motives, and intentions .
Applying this to the subject at hand, the act of masturbation does not cause crave, nor is it iniquitous in itself. rather, it is iniquitous or not depending on the thoughts and motives we are immersed in when we do it. As Jesus says, adultery comes from the heart. So the important thing is not the masturbation, but the thoughts and feelings behind it .
Our built-in sex drive
now let ’ s get hardheaded .
As I pointed out in the former article, the world is that we come equipped with intimate drives, and a desire to have sexual intercourse .
That ’ second for a very good reason. Without our natural sex drive, the human rush would cursorily die out, and there would be no raw angels-in-the-making to populate eden. So God has provided that whatever the quality of our mind, heart, and character may be, we humans will mate and reproduce when we have the opportunity. God has provided for this by giving us the aforesaid biological sexual activity drives, and making them identical knock-down in us .
As I besides pointed out in the previous article, in a convention, healthy adolescent or adult, these sex drives are going to keep right on driving whether or not the person happens to be married ( which teenagers generally can ’ triiodothyronine be anyhow ), and whether or not the person is in a sexually active relationship .
So the question international relations and security network ’ t whether we ’ rhenium going to have sexual desires and urges. The motion is what we ’ re going to do with those desires and urges .
Suppressing them raw barely isn ’ triiodothyronine naturalistic or hardheaded. religious conservatives who preach that we must wholly suppress and deny our sex until we are married are themselves in a state of denial about the realities of the human beware and heart .
But more than that, by urging young people and unmarried people to suppress all of their intimate desires, and close off every wall socket, they are causing those natural, biological, and very human drives to build up ( in people who listen to their preach ) until the intimate desires become overpowering, and burst out into much more destructive behavior. Their harsh and puritanical preach actually turns normal sexual desires into lust ! It besides causes a huge measure of completely unnecessary emotional pain, anguish, guilt, and hurt .
Jesus, in his statements about the origin of lecherousness, is just being realistic. He recognizes that we have these drives, and he points to their beginning : the human heart. And he tells us that to deal with them, we must deal with them within our hearts and minds, quite than thinking that if we merely engage in “ proper behavior, ” the problem will be solved .
Adultery in the heart
Jesus was besides raising the Ten Commandments to a higher level.
He was saying that although decline behavior is good, it ’ s not good enough if we want to become sincerely spiritual and christian people. We must besides work on our inner motives, desires, attitudes, and beliefs .
And that is a lifelong process .
Let ’ s face it : we ’ rhenium not perfect, and we never will be perfect. Every one of us has all sorts of wrong and destructive thoughts and desires popping in and out of our point throughout the day .
The first line of defense against them is to stop ourselves from acting on them in ways that violate the Ten Commandments, not to mention the Bible ’ s general discouragement of promiscuous relationships. When it comes to our intimate desires :
- We should not allow ourselves to commit actual adultery, even if we feel the “lust,” or desire, to do so. If a relationship you desire would be an adulterous one, just stay away, and don’t tempt yourself.
- We should think twice before engaging in (non-adulterous) extramarital sex, because it might lead us down a painful and depressing path. For more on this, please see my article, “Is Sex Before Marriage Forbidden in the Bible?”
so the real question, once again, is what do we do with our less-than-noble sexual desires ?
first, we don ’ t go jumping right field into bed with people whenever we get the hots for them. Those who operate in this room inescapably end out crashing and cauterize .
Suppressing our sex drive is a recipe for disaster
But wholly suppressing our sexual desires plainly international relations and security network ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate a dependable solution .
Our sexual thoughts and feelings don ’ thymine go away just because we don ’ thyroxine act on them. alternatively, they keep getting stronger and stronger, and heavily and hard to deal with. That ’ randomness because they are a basic part of our character as homo beings. They ’ re not something we can “ repent ” from and stop having .
If we do try to completely suppress them or “ repent ” from them, what might at foremost be relatively harmless aphrodisiac dream can easily develop into full-blown, irresistible crave that sooner or late will break out in a highly destructive way. And when it does, it can wreck our lives, and the lives of others around us .
Masturbation provides a morally harmless way to release our natural sex drive without engaging in illicit or unwise arouse. It allows our sexual desires to subside therefore that they don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate build up in us until they become a angry flood that we can ’ metric ton control .
Masturbation besides provides a room to keep our natural sex drives sanely satisfied while we work on any deeper issues we may have with desires for adulterous relationships and other types of illegitimate and damaging sex .
Jesus is absolutely right : adultery comes from the human heart. But the human affection is a stubborn thing. And our intimate and romanticist feelings are some of the most deep-rooted drives in the human psyche. Our sex drive can trump flush our fear of death .
These are not issues that we can merely wave a magic baton over and Presto ! we ’ re clean, arrant, and innocent in all of our sexual thoughts and feelings ! quite, these are issues that we must work on within our judgment and kernel for months, years, and decades—in fact, for our entire life. Becoming sexually pure in our mind and center is a lifelong process. Jesus ’ words in Matthew 5:27–30 are a long-run religious challenge to us, not something we can patch up with a immediate pay back .
In short, it ’ s pathetic to think that not masturbating is going to somehow cause us to be less lubricious in our hearts. In fact, it ’ s likely to cause just the diametric. With no mercantile establishment, our “ crave, ” or sex drive, will burn even hotter, and become evening more uncontrollable. And without any exit for it, our mind and heart will tend to stray into more and more desperate and destructive desires as we block and thwart the more sanitary ways of expressing them .
In short, conservative Christians ’ manipulation of Matthew 5:27–30 as a direction to forbid masturbation is not merely false, it ’ s destructive. It is likely to increase the lecherousness in the human heart until that lust comes out in highly base actions that, unlike masturbation, are distinctly prohibited in the Bible .
It ’ randomness no coincidence that conservative christian preachers and politicians are regularly caught with their pants down. Often it ’ s the ones who shouted the loudest in denouncing obscenity and immorality who are themselves catch consorting with prostitutes, or sleeping with the church secretary or the young, naïve political intern, or engaging in other highly immoral intimate behaviors .
possibly if those preachers and politicians had not bound such heavy burdens, and hard to bear, on others and on themselves, they would have expressed their natural intimate drives and desires in a goodly way. alternatively, they ’ ve imposed harsh strictures that are impossible to abide by, and they ’ ve suffered the consequences in the form of demolish ministries, political careers, lives, relationships, and families .
Masturbation, lust, and fantasy
now more specifically about the thoughts and fantasies that people engage in while masturbate :
First of all, fantasy is not reality. Daydreaming about having sex with a womanhood ( or world ) is not the same as having a veridical desire and purpose to actually have sex with her or him in real animation if possible .
People fantasize about all sorts of things, such as jumping off a cliff or murdering their boss in an particularly creative way. If we acted on all of our fantasies, this world would promptly descend into a chaos that would rival the situation on earth before the Noah ’ s Flood, as described in Genesis 6 !
Everyone fantasizes. The acid test is what we actually do in our real lives .
It ’ s inevitable that a heterosexual male is going to see a pretty woman and fantasize about sleeping with her. It alone turns into a very trouble if he doesn ’ thymine acknowledge that it ’ second fair a fantasy, and get on with his life—and treat her with basic human decency and respect if he happens to encounter her during the day .
And of course, when people masturbate, they ’ re going to fantasize about assorted intimate situations and encounters. once again, the first gear thing is to recognize that these are barely fantasies. You ’ ra not actually going to have hot sex with that smasher you saw walking down the street yesterday .
Moving our heart and mind toward marriage
The moment, and deeper, thing to do is :
- Keep your mind and heart moving away from any desire for adulterous, promiscuous, shallow, and destructive sexual relationships, and:
- Keep your mind and heart moving toward the ideal of a committed, loving, faithful, monogamous marriage.
Okay, approve, that ’ mho two things ! But it ’ sulfur in truth two sides of the like coin .
It is the guidance that our mind and kernel takes, either toward or aside from healthy, monogamous, apparitional marriage, that will determine whether our masturbation, and every early intimate activeness we engage in, is innocent, full, and healthful or dirty, clog, promiscuous, and adulterous .
The articles about masturbation linked to in my previous article compass point out that masturbation can actually help people in long-run, commit, monogamous relationships to improve their sex lives and their sexual love with one another .
similarly, when we are not married and not in a invest romantic kinship, masturbation can actually help us to move psychologically and emotionally toward a goodly sex life in a entrust relationship rather than pulling us aside from such a kinship .
As Jesus said, it all depends on what ’ s coming out of our heart .
so hera are my practical suggestions related to lust, fantasy, and masturbation :
- Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone fantasizes.
- Don’t act on your adulterous and promiscuous fantasies in ways that violate what the Bible actually commands us not to do. (Hint: masturbation is not actually on the Bible’s naughty list.)
- Don’t beat yourself up if you have lapses into dirty, unworthy thoughts. Just let it go and move on.
- Keep your mind and heart focused on and moving toward a healthy, spiritual marriage, even if you’re not currently in one.
- Over time, move your fantasies while masturbating away from unhealthy ones, and toward healthier ones, such as having loving, mutual sex with a future marital partner.
- And remember, nobody’s perfect. The only sinless person ever was Jesus Christ (see Ecclesiastes 7:20; Hebrews 4:14–15).
If we approach masturbation with these things in mind, always making the campaign to move our heed and kernel toward healthy, love, monogamous marriage—even if it ’ mho sometimes a two steps forward, one pace back process—then masturbation can be a utilitarian and constructive partially of our overall procedure of overcoming the crave in our heart, and moving our heart, mind, and spirit toward the blessings of real, spiritual, love marriage.
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In other words, if we look more deeply and realistically at what Jesus said in Matthew 5:27–30, it leads straight to the decision that masturbation done in a balanced and thoughtful way actually helps us to cleanse our hearts of the lubricious and adulterous desires that might otherwise build up, break out, and wreck our lives both socially and spiritually .
For more on real, apparitional marriage, please see my article, “ How does Marriage Fit In with a religious Life ? Is There Marriage in Heaven ? ”
For far understand :